“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Understanding Self-Love is different for every person. Everyone’s perspective of self-love differs from the other. But I will summon that up in one sentence, “Anything that makes YOU happy and you feel free to do that for yourself, is self-love”. Now what this means is that, there is no standard in the world that says, this is what self-love looks like or this is what you should be doing to feel love for yourself. There is no standard for your personal feelings.
Self-love really means the ‘freedom’ that you have within yourself to do the things that make you happy. A person who likes to sit alone and read is a way of expressing freedom for oneself. It is not based on someone else’s thoughts or opinions about how to be happy. Everyone of us is different. Not everyone likes to travel and explore the world. I’m not saying if you do, it’s wrong. It’s not. If a person likes to sit home on his/her couch and watch a movie, so that they can enjoy, then they should be able to and that’s when self-love comes along.
The world has given us a standardized idea of how one should live their life. You do not need to follow them. In fact, the first step towards loving yourself is to know what you really want. It is to understand your hearts desire, rather than knowing the “ideal” way to live a life.
I have had so many people tell me that I married too soon and now my life is going to be over. But I don’t regret any decisions I made in my life. As I know one thing, that people are different. For them enjoying, going out, travelling, meeting new people is a way to life life. Sure, it’s a grand way to live life. But for me, everything in my life has been spontaneous. I never planned my life. I never planned the guy of my dreams. When I met my husband, we both knew right then that we were meant to be. I have always done things that I felt right and never lived off someone else’s opinions. This is to tell you that having the freedom to understand yourself and expressing it, is a part of self-love.
Self-love is not about being selfish. It is not to be a narcissistic person. Love starts from the bottom, like everything else. You will only be able to love others enough when you love yourself first. Let’s back up this with an example: If you did not love yourself enough; you will never be able to love another enough. Your life may go downhill. “You cannot give what you don’t have”.
Let’s say, you and you boyfriend/girlfriend are deeply in love and have been together for awhile now. But along with that you as a person, keeping fighting, doubting, hurting your partner most of the time. Why do you think that is? The deep rooting issue to such situations is because one of you is have doubts about themselves more than of their partner. You keep beating yourself up for every mistake that you do. You look for assurance and support from your partner so that you can feel good. Understand one thing, nobody can make you happy, only you can.
Self-love involves all the things that “LOVE” involves towards others. It involves, forgiving yourself, letting go of your own mistakes, giving yourself another chance, making time for yourself, listening to your heart and creating a life that YOU love first.